How You & Yours uses AI

The short version

• Your words are used to help you, here — nothing else. No ads, no selling, no data brokers, no sharing with anyone for their own use.
• Never used to train AI. Not by us, and not by the AI companies we use: their terms for businesses like ours forbid it.
• The AI itself doesn't remember you. Each message arrives on its own. What the companion knows comes from your account, sent fresh each time.
• No hidden profile. What the companion keeps about you is in the app, under About you, where you can read it, correct it, take things out, or turn its summary off.
• Your partner sees what's shared between you — and this page lists exactly what that is.
• Take all of it, or delete all of it, whenever you like.

What happens when you send a message

1. Your phone sends your message, the recent part of the conversation, and a short, trimmed picture of your account (below). The connection is encrypted.
2. Our server checks it's really you, adds one to your count of requests today (that's how the daily limit works — the count is all it records), and passes the message on. It doesn't save your message.
3. Anthropic (the makers of Claude) writes the reply and sends it straight back. Anthropic doesn't use it to train its models. It deletes it within 30 days, unless its automated safety checks flag it as possibly breaking its rules — then it can be kept for up to two years for review. To answer faster, part of what we send is held for a few minutes in a short-term cache that only our service can use.
4. The reply appears on your phone.

The keys that let our service talk to the AI live only on our servers, never in the app.

What the AI is told about you

So that its help fits your life, each message carries a short, trimmed picture from your account:

• your name, birthday, pronouns and relationship stage, and the background you chose to give (for example culture or beliefs);
• the main things you've kept about the people in your life — your partner, your children, your family, your pets — plus your health notes, what's under About you, and what you've learned from past relationships, each cut down to a few lines;
• how you've been lately: today's mood and the reason you gave, your mood month by month, and a gentle pattern if one stands out;
• if you track a cycle, yours or your partner's, a note when a period is expected in the next few days;
• what you hope for (children, living together, marriage, and whether you've talked about it yet) and what you expect from a relationship — or, if you're on your own, what you're coming out of;
• whether you've written red lines (never what they say);
• what's coming up on your dates, a few recent memories, goals, bucket-list items and journal lines, and a line or two from your recent chats;
• your summary ("What I've come to know", below), and what you've asked of it.

When you start a chat from something specific — a child, a memory, a journal entry — the details of that one thing come too.

From your partner's side, only what's already shared with you in the app: the mood word they share (never the reason), their answer to today's question once you've answered too, their newest message to you, your shared dates, children and pets, and anything they've chosen to share with you. The companion can only use what your own account can see.

Every part is kept short on purpose, and we never send your whole history.

When it looks things up

When you're planning something — a trip, a gift, a night out — the companion can search the web for you. The searches run through Anthropic. The companion writes each search itself and is told to describe only the need ("a baby-friendly hotel near Bristol"), never names or private details. It never books, buys or pays for anything.

Things to do near you

If you turn on Worth a look near you, about once a week, when you open Home, the companion looks on the web for up to three real things to do near the town you typed in the next few weeks — a gig, an exhibition, a market, a night away — each with a date and a link. The searches carry only your town, the month and the kind of thing ("live jazz near Bristol in November"). To choose what might suit you, the AI is given your town and today's date, whether you're planning as a couple or on your own, your interests, a few of your own bucket-list items, and your partner's favourites — with any name of someone in your life taken out.

• What it finds stays on your phone. Home's headline brings one up now and then; once you tap it, it becomes part of that chat, kept like any other conversation.
• Your town is kept on your phone and in your private backup. Stopping forgets it; signing out clears it from the phone.
• No paid placements. Links go to the venue or organiser where it can, and booking and ticket links lose their tracking and affiliate codes.
• Off until you say yes. Home's headline may offer it, twice at most, a month apart. Stop it any time — in Things together, or in Tools → App & data ("Things to do near you"). The choice is per phone, and comes with you to a new phone. A failed look is tried at most three times before it waits for the next week.

When the AI works in the background

A few small jobs use the AI without you opening a chat:

• refreshing your summary — about once a day, and again soon after you keep a new memory, goal, dream or journal entry;
• giving a finished chat a title for your journal;
• looking for things to do near you, once a week, if you've turned it on;
• checking a reply for anything worth keeping;
• tidying your notes about your partner into a short summary;
• reading an unusual mood word you type.

The monthly review, readings and the like run when you open them.

Does it build a profile of me?

It keeps a picture of you, because that's what lets a companion actually help. It's for you and nobody else: not for advertising, not sold, not shared, and not used to train any AI. Here is all of it, and where it lives:

• Your conversations are kept on your phone, with a private backup in your account so a new phone remembers them. Only your account can open it. Delete a chat and it goes from the backup and your other phones too (we keep only its id, so it isn't brought back).
• Your own words from a finished chat are filed in your journal. Deleting the chat leaves that entry — delete it there if you want it gone too.
• Things worth keeping. In the guided chats — Let's get into it, quick-fire, and journal chats — dates, details about the people in your life, goals, how you're feeling and notes about you are kept when the chat ends. A note shows what was kept, and you can remove any of it there. Elsewhere you tap to keep something. Everything can be changed or removed where it lives — except moods: a mood the companion kept can be taken back from that note, but past moods can't yet be removed one by one (they go when you delete your account).
• Let's get into it and quick-fire are where the companion sets out to fill in your picture: it asks about what's still missing — your values, your partner's favourites, your family — and keeps the answers. Only when you choose them.
• About you holds notes about you (what you value, what you need, what sets you off), what you've asked of the companion ("please don't call me that", "keep my messages short"), and how you write (a few style notes, and a few lines from messages you sent yourself, so its drafts sound like you). Read, correct or remove any line. Earlier versions aren't kept.
• What I've come to know is a short summary the companion writes so it can remember you over months: what you value, what you're working on, what worries you, patterns, your relationships, your dreams, how things have been lately. It's written only from your own journal, goals, memories, bucket list, your recent chats, and the summaries of Talk it through conversations you recorded (which cover what you both said) — nothing your partner recorded or shared with you — and refreshed about once a day. It's on About you: correct any line, take one out (it's held back from future summaries — the last 30 you've taken out are remembered; if the same thought comes back in other words, take it out again), or turn it off — then it's deleted and none is written until you turn it back on.
• Messages you send through WhatsApp or another app from You & Yours are noted (the last 100) in your private backup, so the companion knows what you sent.

Some things are never kept:

• The Vent vault — nothing from it is saved. It isn't added to your chats, journal, backup or summary, and nothing is kept from it. It's on your phone only while it's open, and cleared when you lock it away, leave it, or start another conversation. Like any message, what you say there is still sent to the AI to be answered.
• Your side of Repair — it stays on your phone; your partner sees only what you choose to send.

What your partner can see

You each have your own account. Your conversations with the companion, your summary and everything under About you are never shown to them.

Most of what you keep stays private until you choose to share it. While you're linked, a few things are shared automatically, because they're usually about you both:

• your name, when you were last in the app, whether you've answered today's question, and when you've read their message;
• birthdays, anniversaries and countdowns on your dates — just the name and the day, never your notes — including ones the companion keeps from a chat, ones you saved before you linked, and your family's birthdays;
• your pets, and children you add from Your kids (each can be made private). What the companion keeps at the end of a chat never goes on a page your partner can read: a detail about a shared child goes into your private notes on that child, and a detail about a pet is kept only when you tap;
• your moods from the past month, if you share moods: the word, and whether it was a low day — the reason only if you choose, mood by mood. Turning sharing on shows that month, including moods you logged while it was off;
• new memories, if you choose "Joint" in Your data (memories the companion keeps from a chat always start private);
• conversations you record together in Talk it through: the transcript and its summary are shared with you both, including ones recorded while your invite was waiting. The transcript is sent to the AI to write the summary, which is written only from what you already share — never your summary, About you, health, family or moods — and the notification just says a summary is ready;
• your red lines, if you choose to share them: sharing shows the whole list, and you can stop at any time. You can also flag a single line that's been crossed — your partner sees just that line, and a flag can be marked as talked through but not taken back.

When a photo carries its location, the memory keeps where it was taken: a short place name (looked up through Apple's or Google's maps service) and the exact map point. On a shared memory your partner can see both. You can take the place off before you save.

Messages reach your partner only when you tap send. A notification you send them travels through Expo and Apple or Google to their phone, and can show on their lock screen — for example your mood and its reason, if you choose to send it.

If you unlink, sharing stops both ways at once, and the link can't be switched back on — linking again takes a new invite. You each keep what you wrote, including notes about each other. Messages you'd already sent each other, and red-line flags, stay with you both, like texts — nobody can change them afterwards.

Your voice

• On iPhone, while you talk, the iPhone's own speech recognition writes the live transcript, which may use Apple's servers under Apple's privacy terms. On Android the companion records each thing you say instead.
• Clearer listening (on unless you turn it off): a recording of each thing you say is sent, through our server, to OpenAI to be written out accurately, with the first names of you, your partner and your children so they're spelled right. The recording is deleted from your phone once it's been sent (or straight away if it isn't). Neither we nor OpenAI keep it, and OpenAI doesn't train on it. You can turn it off in Tools → App & data: on iPhone your phone then writes out what you say; on Android, talking to the companion needs it on, so you'd type instead.
• Natural voice (on unless you turn it off): when the companion speaks, the text of its reply is sent to OpenAI to be voiced. OpenAI doesn't train on it, and may keep that text for up to 30 days to check for abuse. Spoken replies are kept on your phone so they replay instantly; one not played for a day is deleted the next time you use the app, and all are deleted when you sign out or leave the Vent vault. Off = your phone's own voice.
• Talk it through uses your phone's own speech recognition (Apple's or Google's). The audio is never saved.

Elsewhere on your phone

• Dates you keep — and, if you track a cycle, the next expected period — are added to your phone's calendar once you allow it: your default calendar on iPhone, the first one the app can write to on Android. From there they go wherever that calendar syncs, which may be shared or a work calendar. Removing a date in the app, signing out or deleting your account doesn't remove it there.
• Your red lines are kept in your phone's secure keychain, tied to your account: nobody else who signs in on that phone sees them, and they're erased from the phone you delete your account on. If you share them, a copy is kept on your account for your partner, removed when you stop sharing; a line you flag is kept on your account for both of you.
• Signing out clears your chats, your summary and most of what the app kept on the phone, and stops your notifications coming to it. A few things stay: your red lines (locked to your account, there when you sign back in), the opening lines of a Repair you started, reminders already set, and dates already in your calendar. If you're passing a phone on, delete the app.

Where it's kept and who can reach it

• Your account's data is stored with Supabase, on servers in Seoul, South Korea. It's encrypted in transit and at rest, and the database checks every request against your account, so another account can't reach your private data.
• Access to the database itself is limited to the person who runs You & Yours, and used only to keep the service working.
• Anonymous usage counts (TelemetryDeck) are off unless you turn them on in Your data: which features get used, and crashes — never your words, moods, or anything about the people you love.

Your controls

• Download your data, or delete your account, from Tools → App & data → Your data. Deleting erases your account and everything in it, straight away. If you're linked, it also ends the link and removes what only existed between you (both people's answers to the daily question, Repair, the messages you sent each other, red-line flags, and the notes your partner kept on children you added). Your partner keeps what they wrote for themselves, including any notes they kept about you and Talk it through conversations they recorded. If it can't finish, the app says exactly what's done, and trying again finishes it. Another phone signed in to your account keeps its copy until you sign out there.
• Remove anything the companion kept, from the note it shows you or where the item lives.
• About you and What I've come to know: correct, remove, or turn the summary off.
• Clearer listening and Natural voice can each be switched off on each phone you use (a new phone starts with them on); so can anonymous usage counts.
• These protections reach your other phones once they're on the latest version of the app.
• Or simply don't use the companion — the rest of You & Yours works without it.

Who's who

• You & Yours is responsible for your personal data (the "controller").
• Anthropic writes the companion's replies and runs its web searches, only on our behalf, under its commercial terms and data processing agreement.
• OpenAI writes out what you say and voices the replies, only on our behalf.
• Supabase hosts the database, your files and the server functions that talk to the AI.
• Apple and Google run your phone's speech recognition, look up photo place names, and deliver notifications.
• Expo delivers app updates and relays notifications to your partner's phone.
• TelemetryDeck counts anonymous usage, only if you turn it on.